Take time this week to explore what brings you joy, rejuvenation, and ease. We must take care of our self to the extent that we would want someone to care for us.

We want to bring a partner into our life from a whole place, not a lacking one. From a space of self-adoration.


Write down what you are going to do or continue to do to fill yourself up. To love up your body, mind and spirit.

Perhaps it means spending more time with friends, taking baths, spending time in nature, swimming, dancing, singing, cooking, watching movies, exercising, turning off your cellphone and technology, having a massage, napping, sipping a hot brew quietly in the morning , writing …

Look at your present life. How can you extend your time devoted to self adoration? Make a commitment at least through the next month, to a weekly offering of self adoration.

How can you give yourself more self pleasure and be your best lover?

I want to elaborate on being our best lover as the other suggestions are a bit more obvious. Self-pleasure is an excellent for our health and increases our state of clarity, life force and happiness. Historically when people’s hearts needed healing, we had temples for our sexuality to be fed as this was known as the fastest way to return to wholeness. Sexuality is medicine for transition and is a sacred act of well being.

The more ways we know how to sexually fulfill ourselves, the more pathways we have access to for pleasure when we are in partnership again.

This will look different for each person. For women generally, it can be beneficial to have a full orgasmic release as often as possible. For men often it is a potent practice to experience self pleasure without the need to release semen each time. We know what is best for us based on how we feel post orgasm. Do we feel enlivened or drained?

For most of us, through breath and attention, we benefit from widening our capacity to be with greater pleasure rather than just seeking the end goal of an orgasm.

Self pleasuring toys are useful for exploring different pressures and for reaching further than fingers can. I do not encourage electrified toys as they desensitize us.

I support this company who make high quality (durable), natural self-pleasuring toys. They are so beautiful you can leave them around your home! Use the code: PLEASURED for a discount.


If you have just gone through a break-up and are very tender, you may want to wait before moving forward in this program and focus on self adoration, healing and taking your time.

When we take the time to love up our wounding and our beautiful beings, we do not carry these into the next relationship. When our wounds are turned towards and tended, rather than being a block for intimacy, they become a doorway for more compassion and connection in future partnership and life.