Today’s musing focus on intimate relationship, yet this applies to any long term relationship, so please adjust the content according to what suits your situation most. 

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You can love in a way that is freeing, while still being in a committed relationship.

When two people become more stable in their commitment and fall into the realm of committed partnership, choosing to risk for the sake of evolution and deeper connection can often be put aside. This can happen right from the start of a relationship, or can happen over time.

There are many reasons for this. One is the fear of really being seen in a way that your partner is not familiar with. This is a common situation I see with clients.

Eventhough you may have been in this relationship for many years, and may even be raising a family together, you might have never really shown yourself to your partner. Or maybe you showed your heart, your power and knowing, or your sensual vulnerable being a few times and were not received in a way that encouraged you to expose yourself again. Or perhaps recently you are finding a new level of self-intimacy and so inevitably you want to share this new self-understanding with your partner. 

Yet you find yourself afraid of taking the leap into showing yourself. You keep yourself in a certain posture, breath, way of communicating and loving that your partner expects.

It might not work for either of you and it might not be a match for who you are today, but it feels safer and easier than trying out other ways to inhabit yourself and relate (that could satisfy you both more).

What would bring freshness, life, connection is put aside out of fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, or judgement from someone that theoretically knows you quite well. It is commonly put aside also with the reasoning that you have too much to do in other areas of your life, to take the time for this.

If you find yourself in this position, it is important to question what your relationship is committed to. 

Is it familiarity, identify and comfort? Or is it evolution, genuine connection and exploration? 

It’s not a problem if familiarity and comfort are more important to you, it’s simply important to know why you are in a relationship.

The beauty of commitment is that you can be very particular about what you are committed to, which can change over time and you have this container to hold the experimentation through it.

If it is a conscious container, meaning one that you have clearly chosen and are aligned with, it can allow for this experimentation to be safe and ever-unfolding. 

Relationship is the most edgy practice of waking up to who you are and why you are here, because the energy of intimacy is powerful, needs skillfulness and does not leave places for you to hide.

Through the sometimes grittiness of relationship, it can push you to look directly at yourself. It can help you nurture  your changing physical embodiment and to blossom through it. Relationships can support you to go beyond who you think you are, to stretch you through limiting concepts you have strong allegiances with, even beyond your notion of self.

What relationships can bring up in you, whether they are current experiences or historical, can help you heal the reasons you have felt you can never have the love you really want.

They can be a catalyst to motivate you in learning to ground into a mind and body that takes the form of your unique way of loving, regardless of how it is received from the outside.

For relationships to help you on your path of becoming more yourself, there requires a willingness to release the need to know exactly what is ahead. Committing to truth and life, rather than familiarity and a story of how things should or will be.

If you are reading this and you are currently inviting in a future intimate partnership, you can notice how you may constrain yourself currently or historically to fit how you think you should be.

The beauty of each of our lives is that you can make a move in any moment that is different than a moment before. 

If you are changing, and trying to keep your relationship the same, there will be a felt incongruence that will irritate you until you look at it. Change is the nature of reality and in any moment if something is not working, you can learn to meet the moment differently, freshly, honestly, affectionately. 

Sending courage to you that you live your life in a way that it is true for you and honoring of your immense wisdom, beauty and worthiness. 

 

 

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ps. Private sessions available in August. Book today your individual or couple session to tend to your expansion.