Practices to begin opening to Pleasure

The way we magnetize pleasure is through opening our self further to ourself, our lover and the world as lover. When we shut down aspects of ourself, which is totally natural, energy is bound. We want to release the bound energy and show ourselves more. The more our lover can feel the fullness of us, the more enticing we are, because this allows more ground to connect with, to play with, to engage with. Self pleasure can in itself heal our trauma around our embodiment and unfurl us out of old patterning.


When we move our bodies we have the opportunity to follow our instincts for self-healing and nourishment. When we move our bodies we release the joy elixir, oxytocin. Instead of letting emotions become stored in us, we give them an avenue to be released, so our energy can return to us. We can in an instant shift our state through shifting our embodiment. 

Some ideas for movement could be: walking, dancing, qi gong, working out, stretching, allowing the body to move as it pleases with no particular agenda. 

Let your body decide how you want to move. Do you need some free form wild movement? Something gentle and quiet? Do you want to sweat and move every drop of your being? Do you want to strengthen your body?

If you haven’t moved in a while and don’t know where to begin, you could try two things.

One, put something on the floor that you can lay and move on, like a yoga mat or rug. Begin on all four limbs and just begin to move your body as it pleases. Follow the pull of what part of you wants to move, be stretched, and felt.

Two, put on some music and allow your body to direct you. Pay attention to areas of your body that you don’t usually move and see if you can activate them as well. We can fall into movement ruts, so abandon the mind and follow the body and feel into what could use more shaking up!

Take a few minutes after moving to rest your body, laying down or sitting up and notice where you are, how you feel, anything. When we move and then return to stillness we have an opportunity to know how we feel, to see where we are more open and to see our mind as well as to relax and let what is reordering itself in our system, fall into place. 



If you love love, look for yourself. – Rumi

Taking time for self-pleasure is powerful in refining our senses, growing in self-awareness and self-adoration. Terms like masturbation or jerking off can be used, but I lean towards self-pleasuring as we are not solely focused on genitalia but our whole body.  

It is important whether we are in relationships or not, to pleasure ourselves alone (while other times you may be inspired to do this with your partner). In the aloneness, we can learn how to be as we are, to experience arousal without the focus on performance or appearance. We learn what turn us on. Self-pleasuring periods give us space to experiment and try new things. Our brain tends to look for what we have enjoyed in the past, so we can develop pleasuring ruts, when a whole world of other opportunities are waiting for us. Self-pleasuring is also a way to heal from old trauma and bring the power back into your own hands … literally. 

There is no best way to do pleasure. However you enjoy it, is the best way.


Do not censor yourself, your sounds (if possible), the way you move, what and how you are drawn to touch yourself. 

Play around with pressure, speed and direction of movement. Exploring the faintest of touch to a deep slow pressure. Pay attention to keeping your body relaxed and open. 

Some sessions you may wants to start by exploring your feet and hands and moving towards your genitals, other times you might want to begin at your genitals. Sometimes your nipples alone will bring you to full body arousal.  Feel into different parts of your body and explore your genitals.

The spot between the anus and genitals is very sensitive. If you do decide to explore your anus, wash your hands before returning to your genitals. Here is a great book on anal pleasure if that is of curiosity. 

All parts of you are worthy of your touch. 

Give yourself time when you can, so you are not solely reaching for the orgasm but also feeling the experience of your energy coursing through your body. And ofcourse orgasm!

Grow your Imagination. See how delicious you can make your body and your experience of touch. Allow your body to feel devoured and impacted by the contact you make with it. Completely submerge into the experience. 

Visualize your self as perfection, godly, divine. There is nothing you are missing in your beauty/handsomness. You are exquisite. Every single drop of you. Your own delectable experience in your own body is whelming enough to give you an orgasm simply by reflecting on your Self.

Orgasmic states and the activity of moving energy, no matter how often you are used to it, can bring up emotion. Sometimes if you are going through a thick period of meeting darker aspects of youself or for reasons you are not sure of, anger or tears and other emotions may arise. Welcome all of your experiences. The gift of self-pleasure is you get to release stuck emotion and have more energy for connection and love and for what you want to feel in your present evolution.

Relax. Listen to your body and heart. 


Following self pleasuring: slowly move into the next moment of the day without abandoning the experience. Allow your body mind to be imprinted more deeply by pleasure. Notice how you relate to your lover as self, other and world. How are you different? How does the world respond?



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Our hands can only go so far … I am a fan of these toys to reach deeper parts of our interior field for pleasure, healing, and self connection. They are also helpful for massaging and applying different kinds of pressure more comfortably then with one’s fingers. 

These particular toys last a lifetime. If I am going to put something in me, I want to know it is sourced well, clean, high quality and will not break. That is why I recommend this company. Even though I want everyone to have more orgasms, so do not want to stop you, vibrators and electronic sex toys can desensitize you, so you have to adjust when you are with a human. Plus these are so beautiful, it won’t be the worse thing if they are left in plain sight.

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What are the ways you would like to experience intimacy? Are there ways you want to experience pleasure that you keep hidden? Be as honest as you can. Remember this is for yourself, so don’t limit how ordinary or extreme your visions may be. 

Often our fantasies don’t need to be played out exactly, but they give us meaning into what kind of pleasure we crave, and areas of us that need to be felt so we can continue to liberate our desires. And sometimes our fantasies can be met so good to lean in and know them!


It is useful to have muses. Who inspires you to embody more of your sensual and erotic nature? Pay attention to people in your life, in the media, in movies and television series that awaken you in this realm. Notice the language and adornment that turns you on, so you can play with that language in your own lovership. 


The latest science from Erick Janssen and John Bancroft at the Kinsey Institute has found that our sexual arousal is controlled by two “systems” : your ‘gas pedal’ and your ‘brakes’. Explore these two charts and see where you generally find yourself at present. If you are in partnership, it is helpful to know where your partner falls in this chart so you can support each other’s arousal. Honor your body and your process. This is essential for welcoming self and relational pleasure!