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And I will never grow so old again
And I will walk and talk
In gardens all wet with rain
-Van Morrison
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When I was older,
I pulled in the breadth that wanted to go beyond me.
I tamed what wanted to play in the land of mischief.
I held myself within the land of knowing.
I answered questions I had no interest in.
I bound a future that was dying for undetermined space.
I said yes when it was a firm no.
I fought against myself because I wasn’t ripe for another option.
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Then I became entangled in the predicament I had become.
I wasn’t sure, I would make it through.
I saw no examples.
I had to trust myself completely.
It was rough, uncomfortable, lonely, laced in demons, ghosts and supposed heart attacks.
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As I grew younger,
I let my yearning for true freedom lead.
I let my nature as adoration drop more deeply into my mind, throat, womb, into the crevices and currents within.
I let them wander out into the world as notes of affection, traces of invitation.
I risked because I knew I had nothing to protect any longer and I was trustworthy to myself.
I explored, took care, moved in subtle, evocative and ordinary ways.
I shamelessly committed to an unconventional lifestyle,
I said yes only when it was from and for love.
I walked through gardens wet in rain,
inhaling deeply, drenched through, beaming
drinking the wetness and blossoming sky water on my lips, palms.
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You see, I will never grow so old again.
That time fell back into the ether years ago …
In the journey of growing younger, I became known to myself, so it is you now that interests me.
What part of you thirsts to be known, touched, praised, taken in, freed, met?
Where do you feel worn, weary, burdened?
What song, dream, ache keeps you awake at night, keeps you waiting for something you can’t seem to reach, find, understand?
What is the moment through your day you want to move in one direction, but you find something tied to an another, as if possibility of fresh air is for someone else?
When do you find the edges of your lips turning upwards and your body pulsing with YES.
What are the moments where you feel the current of life, and your body as a vessel for divinity to be revealed?
The answers to these questions are how we begin to grow young together …