At the heart of understanding complexity, we are really opening to 
what is actually happening. This allows us access to all of life’s 
energy. And we can grow ourselves beyond smallness. Our vision gets 
bigger and with all of this our love grows. And this isn’t one kind 
of love. When we are in touch with reality, we are touched into the 
ground of love, where everything arises from. It has all kinds of 
flavors and at it’s essence it is all pervasive. There is no place 
it begins or ends. 

Some of the makings of our complex exististence, will be obvious to you, perhaps some not but it’s important to have it all out there – to really get a grasp of what we are working with on a daily basis. To see where our personal challenges and questions arise … and to show us what we may not be noticing in our reality. 

Feel if these theories can penetrate more deeply beyond concept to a felt sense.


What makes our intimate lives and existence complex?


Intimacy and life are innately complex for one because we want to hold on to something and we cannot. 

We spend most of our time binding something that is unbindable and hoping we will be satisfied. Yet instead of satisfaction we experience a dulling of experience because we are trying to make what is alive and mysterious, static and certain.

Our nervous system is still reeling even though we thought that by telling ourselves simplified stories of our relationships, our experience of self intimacy, the story of “me”, the story of “us” and what was and what will be, that then we could finally rest our minds, our bodies and finally enjoy life. 

Yet rest does not come in the realm of fallacy. We must receive the truth that intimacy is unbindable, and instead open to what is presenting itself. Then our nervous systems can rest in the realm here of truth, of reality. 


We are always in motion, changing, and the world around us is changing. Our bodies are changing and how we live and relate to our bodies has an impact on our experience of our self and our experience with another body. Our age, hormones, whether we are postpartum, nursing, with small children, whether we are in a period of little intimacy, or in a strong sexual period, curious about our sexual body or nature. Whether we are newly single, in a long term lovership, in the beginning of a relationship. 

We also move through subtle and obvious shifts in well-being and ill-being in our mind and body and this shifts our perception and relational experience. How is our energy level? Are we feeling depleted or full? Are we dealing with chronic or acute sickness, pain, physical or emotional challenges? Do we feel extra vital and juicy with an excess of potency? This all affects our intimate lives. 



We must give ourselves more credit for the literal vastness of our being. We are composed of molecules and atoms that are in constant motion, so at an elemental level we are in ceaseless flux. Every 7-15 years most of our cells are regenerated. Many particles that our cells are composed of have been around for millions of millennia. Stars that exploded make up many of the heavy elements we contain and the hydrogen in our beings arose in the big bang. We are truly cosmic.

(This is a testament to the notion that we are not just our bodies as they are regenerating completely many times throughout our life. Something continues in us, or else we wouldn’t have memories or have a thread of continuation aka consciousness … )


As we know at some point all physical relationships will end through separation or death. How awake we are to understanding if a part of us lives beyond the physical death and also awake to the truth of impermanence will impact how: we move through a relationship, what we value, how deep we can appreciate and care for someone and how far we are willing to see and be seen.

If we know impermanence we may treat each other as more precious and will focus on important things. If we investigate who we are beyond form, this cosmic deathless consciousness, we make decisions relationally (and in all fronts) from peace rather than fear. We are less likely to feel the pressure to find the one, or make it work just as we want because we only have a short time. We also feel more courage in the realm of intimacy because we are not so attached to our identity, we have less to protect. Here we make decisions based on our truth which is we are cosmic, we are vast, we are everything. The part of us that we are living from below the thoughts, worries, has no end. 

We will explore this first hand in a video and a guided meditation on the next page so stay tuned … 


On a physical, mental and non-visible state our intimate lives are not isolated. If we break down the details of anything in our life, the objects we use, the services provided, the elemental forces that make up our life including air, food, and earth, we can see how endless the web of influence is in our life. 

We in ourselves are not isolated. We are receiving information and sending information by engaging in everyday living, and then when we are in relationship, the information sharing can be intensified within the dynamic.

Anything I say to you in this moment, enters your mind and energetic system and you take that on and then you send onwards an aspect of that potentially. We are moving energy within ourself and between each other all day long! Through thoughts, feelings and movements we are not isolated. 


In our intimate lives, we share the most vulnerable aspects of ourself, the parts of ourself that we barely show ourselves and then we barely if ever show outwardly. Pleasure lives in the wordless realm so often, yet the heightened sensation field.

If we want to grow pleasure we have to commit to knowing ourselves while knowing we will not be able to control the situation, or ever know it fully. We have to put ourselves fully in, our heart, mind, body, presence.

This is complex. The desire of wanting meaningful connection and the fact that the deeper we get into intimacy the more we are left exposed, vulnerable, yet alive, satiated, touched.