PART FOUR:
Reflection & Blessings
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On a sheet of paper have 3 columns.
Write the name of the person somewhere.
Write at the top of column 1: Yes
At the top of column 2: Not for me
At the top of column 3: Blessing
Write this down:
What have you learned from past partnerships?
Column 1: What worked for you?
Column 2: What did not?
Focus on one partner to begin with. If you would like to do this with more that’s wonderful too.
It is helpful to be honest about our emotions and to not carry resentment or regret into the future.
Once you write this list, look at each lesson and start to see if you can find the blessings of your relationship …
Column 3: write what you learned, are learning, need to spend more time on and why we might have co-created certain dynamics. Continue reading for examples if this is confusing …
If we were cheated on, did it teach us better boundaries or that it is time to deepen in self-worth? If we have been alone for a long time what has it taught us? If we stayed in a relationship too long what has it taught us? What did each individual lesson teach us? If they talked over us? If we didn’t prioritize the relationship? If we put our needs aside for theirs? If we were too afraid to love them fully?
A few other examples of qualities that may have been challenging to explore include: excessive drama, resentment, controlling behavior, wanting to change someone, dishonesty, secrecy, people pleasing, possessiveness, addiction, victimization, passive aggression and insecurity.
Notice why we may have benefited from this co-creations. For instance if we had resentment, did we like that because it helped us keep our hearts protected so we wouldn’t feel a future hurt? If we felt belittled, did that keep us in a victim role in hopes that people would feel bad for us and would treat us nicely?
We can also see through this exploration, what we need to work on including patterns to be aware of in future relationships. We may need to develop further skills or support to heal and evolve out of patterns or fears.
If we can see the blessings and lessons of the difficulty, then we are relieved of the burden of the past and are left with the wisdom. We have energy and availability for the future and a clearer idea of what we want.
Bonus Action Step: Only if you are ready, write a letter of forgiveness to yourself and your ex-partner so you can release anything left unsaid or whatever weight may be bound. This doesn’t have to be any longer than feels right for you. Sometimes even a few sentences can help our heart feel greater space and freedom.