Change & Shame

You are so much more than your relationship status.

If you have any shame around leaving your relationship, being broken up with, or not being in relationship, know all these phases are completely natural and only here to teach us the reality of change and to keep awakening us into our integrity.

It takes time to learn to be attracted to what is good for us. We each have patterning that has kept us blinded to our truth. Feel grateful for your present efforts. You are removing those veils of obscuration to see clearly.

Change is our nature. Growth requires change.

We are in a society that idealizes relationships who have gone the long haul as superior to those that have not. A vital long-term relationship is inspiring, yet how many long term relationships do you see out there where people are truly happy?

Resonance is more significant than time. Two people can be together for 35 years, yet there is no resonance.

Often we will stay with someone that isn’t aligned with us due to our ingrained patterns. We may be magnified to people who are unavailable or immediately attached to us. We may jump in right when something feels pretty good without taking our time to see if it is indeed the right fit for us. Or perhaps we string people along, never willing to fully commit.


If you have any shame or reflections including anger, guilt around breaking up or not being in relationship please write about it. Bring it into the light. The more we know, the more we can heal and welcome wholeness. Let your mind’s stream of consciousness flow with the following sentence stems:

I am shameful about my last relationship because ….
I am shameful about my current relationship status because …

Explore your personal patterns so you can allow yourself the possibility to change if needed:

Who do you tend to be attracted to? How do you generally enter a relationship? What of these patterns has worked, and what hasn’t for you? What do you tend to find most alluring about someone? 

Do you keep you distance in relationship, avoiding intimacy? When someone is openly interested in you, is that a turn off or a turn on? Do you commit to someone immediately out of fear of losing them? Do you play games to attract someone? Do you attract reliable partners and are you reliable? 

Answer this sentence stem, without judging yourself, let your answers flood through:

The relationship patterns I need to change and look more deeply at are …